Someone just ran over my puppy

His name is Jim Harbaugh. Not my puppy. My puppy is named Bonestorm. Jim Harbaugh ran over Bonestorm, the greatest puppy in the history of college football.

I think I might just drive straight back to California tomorrow and eat In ‘n Out until I don’t feel feelings anymore.

Everything is dark and hopeless and devoid of meaning. I want a chocolate vanilla milkshake very badly right now. And two sausage McMuffin with egg sandwiches for two dollars. And heroin.


(That’s one “h” for every home win USC has had since 2001, when… Stanford… beat the Trojans at the Coliseum.)



Filed under We lost to fucking Stanford?!

6 responses to “Someone just ran over my puppy

  1. BeauDemon

    Look on the bright side – ND won, so that makes 10/20 a little more exciting 🙂 I love you. You have a family to think about.

  2. Look on the bright side–UCLA’s loss was even more embarrassing.

    The big question now is, will you ever wash your hands again?

  3. BeauDemon

    Your hangover this morning is approximately infinity big. Drink more. That is the only cure. Trust me, I’m a doctor.

  4. Your Friend William

    You look to be living a dream life at the moment, so how badly can this loss actually hurt? I can’t imagine that much.

    But what do I know? I’ve been totally desensitized towards disappointment and losing to inferior opponents for years. I think UCLA losing was probably worse, anyway.

  5. Pingback: » This Week In Schadenfreude: Trojans Are Down on the Farm

  6. Pingback: » This Week In Schadenfreude: Trojans Are Down on the Farm

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s