Monthly Archives: March 2007

Arian (sic) brotherhoods and baby seals and angels, oh my!

From today’s Daily Trojan

Junior linebacker Clay Matthews created the Facebook group, “White Nation,” which featured a graphic with the caption, “arrest black babies before they become criminals.”

Teammates David Buehler, Brian Cushing, Dan Deckas and Dallas Sartz joined the group.

“This group is not for the faint of heart,” read the group’s description. “All members are athletes of Caucasion (sic) descent. DISCLAIMER: In no way are the following memebers (sic) intolerant of others, we are just doing our duty of protecting the Arian (sic) brotherhood.”

An athletic department source who wished to remain anonymous said the group was a joke and had no serious purpose.

Before I espouse on the lunacy of creating a Facebook group calling itself “White Nation” when you have Sedrick Ellis on your team…

Sed enjoys playing Xbox 360, listening to music, hanging with friends and wrestling polar bears.

… let me first point out what Ellis himself had to say.

Football player Sedrick Ellis sent [Stefanie] Gopaul [the USC student who initiated the response to Matthews’ group] a message explaining that “White Nation” is an inside joke on the team and that Matthews is not racist.

OK. Fair enough. Someone needs to tell the anonymous sources at Heritage Hall to go over their statements with a red marker, though.

A source from the athletic department said Matthew’s apology said he was sorry, and that the group was not serious and had no racist intent. He also said his roommate and best friend are black and said that it was poor judgment on his part to create the group.

Aside from the awkward construction of the first sentence (“a source… said Matthew’s apology said he was sorry”?), there’s a whole lotta awkwardness in the second sentence. I suppose it needed to be said, but as it is the statement sounds like a really bad joke/attempt at PC equivocation/PR blunder so horrendous it demands you shoot those responsible in the face.

Then there’s the confusing matter of this…

When Matthews left the “White Nation” Facebook group, he gave up his ability to delete the group; an administrator must manually remove each member to delete the group.

Matthew James Hodgson, a senior from Occidental College, now runs the group and said he plans on using the group to educate people about the ignorance of racism.

“(My friends and I joined) because we did not agree with the white supremacist sentiment of the group,” Hodgson said. “We wanted to make the other people feel uncomfortable. I assumed control of the group with the intention to continue this process and make it known that this kind of group is unacceptable.”

The membership includes three Occidental students and five other members from regional or high school networks nationwide. No USC students remain in the group.

The DT does nay enlighten: is Hodgson now running the initial White Nation group or the “Clay Matthews (USC football player) expresses anti-black sentiment” group Gopaul created in response to Matthews’ boneheaded attempt at social networking? If it’s the former, how does that “educate people about the ignorance of racism”? And if it’s the latter, how does that educate people about the ignorance of racism? Seems to me that the creation of a group called “Clay Matthews (USC football player) expresses anti-black sentiment” isn’t about racial awareness, it’s about fucking with a guy named Clay Matthews. Since Gopaul discovered the group through her Facebook friendship with Dallas Sartz and Brian Cushing, and they were members of the group, why not call it “Clay Matthews, Dallas Sartz, Brian Cushing, the kicker and some walk-on express anti-black sentiment”?

You want my opinion on this whole thing? No? Too bad, because here it comes:

Waah.

We all engage in racial humor, especially amongst our friends. If you don’t you really should try it. There’s nothing funnier than a joke that makes you feel guilty. I don’t want to hear some punchline about puppies or blueberry pies. I want to hear the best Asian, Mexican, black and white jokes you can muster, and then I want to counter that joke with its racial opposite, and then we can hug in the bathing afterglow of relative racial equality through vicious but fairly distributed pejoratives. And then we bring it the scatology.

And then we create a group called “White Nation is a monstrously stupid group to have around, plus it kills baby seals. Beat Notre Dame! Woo!”, celebrating the move with an impromptu party with a shot luge. I bet that would’ve made Matthews feel stupid because, hey, who wants dead baby seals? And everybody can support beating Notre Dame and wooing and drinking hard alcohol via an elaborate ice sculpture.

And let’s not lose focus: Matthews is stupid because…

  1. He did create a group called White Nation whose “purpose” was to protect “the Arian (sic) brotherhood” and, if circumstances allowed, “arrest black babies before they become criminals”. That’s not only stupid, it’s not actually funny. Then again, most inside jokes aren’t very funny. Potato!
  2. As a USC linebacker in a decent position on the depth charts, he actually is pretty high profile as Facebook profiles go.
  3. Facebook is pretty high profile as social networking sites go.
  4. He clearly should’ve created a Facebook group called “Stefanie Gopaul (USC freshman majoring in psychology) expresses anti-Clay Matthews sentiment” and everyone would have laughed, including some babies, and then maybe an angel would’ve gotten its wings.

So thanks, Clay Matthews. You just denied some poor cherub his method of transportation.

And, finally, let’s allow Ms. Gopaul to orchestrate the coda…

“I really do believe that it was a joke,” Gopaul said. “Racial tension is already here at ‘SC, and a lot of people were upset that he wasn’t punished. I was never out to punish him, but a lot of students who saw the group wanted that.”

Well, good thing you didn’t create a group called “Clay Matthews (USC football player) expresses anti-black sentiment”. Because then I’d think you were trying to draw punitive attention towards Clay Matthews (USC football player). And besides: isn’t being forced to attend school with psychology majors punishment enough?

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Filed under This Is Not Fake News(!), USC

Garrett to Booty: “Don’t ever lose a game here” at USC?!

Larry Brown Sports had the original story. Scott Olin Schmidt of USC’s Fanhouse brought it home. And Orson rightly mocked it.

To wit: Josh David Booty, the older brother of USC quarterback John David Booty, was guest-hosting a radio show when the subject of the 2006 Rose Bowl loss to Texas and The Owner Of My Immortal Soul came up. Josh eventually segued into this heart warming story…

It [the loss] took a lot of pressure off JD for this year because he didn’t have that long streak and there’s a lot of things that go along with that. But [Athletic Director Mike] Garrett came into the locker room after the game and looked at JD and said ‘We don’t lose football games here at ‘SC.’ And he looked right at JD and said ‘Don’t ever lose a game here.’ That was a tough one for JD to swallow, I know that.

It might’ve been tough for John David to swallow because USC went 32-8-1 during Garrett’s tenure from 1962-1965. Or 36-13-2 if Garrett redshirted in 1961. I’m not even sure if Garrett played during the era when freshmen weren’t allowed to participate in varsity football. Either way, he was definitely a key part of at least three squads that each left a ghastly three games per season un-won. Plus Garrett’s only got a pathetic one national championship ring to Booty’s admittedly measly two. Talk about hypocritical!

Seriously, though, if this is true – and that’s a big if, as this is an anecdote spun on some random radio show by the brother of USC’s current quarterback – then I’m betting it surprises no one who’s followed USC football for the past decade and a half or so. Sure, it’s possible Garrett meant this as an endearingly gruff sort of “tough love” for Booty, who was Matt Leinart’s backup during the 2005 season. You know: “Hah, that kinda sucked. Losing sucks. We’re really good at winning, so, like, maybe don’t lose. That’d be cool, huh? Here, let me buy you a soda,” but with much more asshole-factor.

It’s more likely that there was no asshole-factor, however, because “factor” implies some kind of ancillary relationship. For instance, the sun being a sun is not a factor in its being hot. It is hot because it is the sun. It’s a core-thing, just like many once thought (and many probably still think) that Mike Garrett is, at his core, an asshole. Or thug. Or arrogant. Or callous. Or “not a people person the way Stalin was not a people person”. I’m trying to rack my brain here for all the terms used by my high school German teacher when describing Garrett back in ’01 or ’00. (Seriously. She was kinda vicious.)

I don’t know enough about Garrett to decide one way or the other. I’ve never pretended to be high up in the ranks, so I’ve never had to fake a glad-handing story, and definitely not one involving Garrett. I know that pretty much all the praise of Garrett has been recent, and that none of it would have existed had he not hired Carroll, and that the hiring of Carroll cannot be attributed to anyone but the One God of College Football, and His will is unknowable. I like Mike Riley and Dennis Erickson, but they don’t force me to scour the countryside every third Tuesday for virgins suitable for sacrifice, and they were way ahead of Carroll on everyone’s coaching list back in 2001. So as far as I’m concerned Garrett is a factor in the Pete Carroll Age, and he is most definitely ancillary. But thug? Stalin? I’m not sure of those things.

I do know this, though: if Josh David Booty’s anecdote is true, then damn, Mike Garrett’s kind of a dick.

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Filed under Fake news, This Is Not Fake News(!), USC

Seasonal Haiku: Spring doldrums

Unseasoned, but strong
My armor knows but one kink:
Good hair gel’s pricey.

-Jimmy Clausen

Time returns, wounds heal…
Hah! Next year, your kick returns?
Filed in triplicate.

-Myles Brand

Even four three five
Won’t help you with chloroform
I shall come at night.

-Chan Gailey

QBs turn diamond
Underneath my pressured gaze
Know a good ice guy?

-Dennis Erickson

I bring discipline
Honor, pride and success, too
Plus, army fatigues.

-Randy Shannon

Hail, Persephone!
Thy feet herald our spring game
P.S., I may run.

-Pat White

Late frost burns the bloom
Would a fool not let Springdale
Go fuck its damn self?

-Houston Nutt*

*if you can recognize the haiku this is based on, Mitch Mustain will transfer to your school

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Filed under ACC, Big East, Notre Dame, Pac-10, Seasonal Haiku, SEC

Ask Mike Bellotti: The Global War on Terrorism


By Mike Bellotti

Mike,

I’ve been reading and hearing about the probability of a nuclear bomb being smuggled into America and detonated in one of our bigger cities. Normally that kind of stuff doesn’t worry me since it’s always been conspiracy crack-pot theorists who take it seriously, but more and more “legitimate” people are talking about this very real possibility. How likely is a nuclear attack, and is there anything we can do about it?

Sincerely,
Seriously Thinking ‘Round A Nagging/Growing Emotion Like Opaquely Veiled Entropic-terror

That’s a tough question, STRANGELOVE. Great movie, by the way.

Detecting radioactivity is not an easy thing, especially on ocean freighters which are in my opinion the biggest risk in terms of weapons smuggling. Detection measures require relatively close quarters which mean that, logistically speaking, the tonnage that comes through a port like Los Angeles or New York cannot be seriously screened on a consistent basis. That means we have to look at different methods of prevention, like non-proliferation and increased intelligence. Those two things are our best bets.

Still, I think a nuclear attack is a serious possibility. Our biggest cities are huge targets that cannot be absolutely defended, but that doesn’t mean you have to live your life in fear. That’s why I recommend the Nike GroundMax Fallout Shelter. It’s revolutionary Pro-Tek radiation shielding is designed for speed and comfort for when the revolution finally comes. It’s also pretty sharp looking. Never before has a last ditch ancillary protective measure sealed in lead and containing three to nine months worth of supplies been so beautifully designed. Trust me: once you try Nike’s new GroundMax Fallout Shelter, you won’t go back. Or out.

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Filed under Ask Mike Bellotti, Big XII, Pac-10

College Football Voices: Anna Nicole Smith posthumous fiasco

This is a direct lifting of The Onion’s American Voices feature, of which I am a big fan.

Anna Nicole Smith posthumous fiasco

The former model, actress and all-around celebrity’s death has not stopped any of the controversy that plagued her in life: following her mysterious passing her will has been contested, a paternity suit involving Smith’s 5-month-old daughter has been brought forth and her burial site is being argued over. Even the judge presiding over her daughter’s case couldn’t hold back tears at the trial. What do they think?


Dennis Erickson
Arizona State University head coach
“Her marriage to that old millionaire was shameful. What kind of a person would attach themselves to another being simply for the prospect of a big payoff after the termination of their relationship?”

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Filed under College Football Voices, Notre Dame, Pac-10, SEC, USC