SEC to phase out Pac-10 by 2012

BIRMINGHAM, AL – Southeastern Conference commissioner Mike Slive ended the league’s Spring Media Day by announcing the conference would begin preparations to officially phase out the Pacific-10 by the 2012 season.

Slive stressed that the change “would not happen overnight” and that players, coaches and fans needed to be patient.

“We’re working on this thing to get it right. It’s gonna happen, but not immediately. We’ve been taking steps in this direction for decades. The groundwork is there. We just need to see it through to its proper conclusion,” said Slive.

Even USC, considered by many to be the “black sheep” of the Pac-10, has seen flashes of crazy obsession LSUoverUSC BCS champ go suck it condoms!

Dirk Koetter’s wife names Dennis Erickson as starting husband

TEMPE, AZ – Former Arizona State head coach Dirk Koetter’s wife, Kim, announced that current ASU head coach Dennis Erickson would be her starting husband. The decision comes less than 24 hours after the Koetters renewed their marriage vows in a private team ceremony.

Dirk Koetter, left, is reportedly “confused” and “devastated” by the switch, and is expected to transfer to a new location in a few weeks. Speculation is centered around nearby Scottsdale where Koetter would have a good shot at becoming a starting significant other after sitting out the NCAA-mandated one year transfer period.

“I’m sorry for the way this had to happen but this is the right decision. It took me a long time to make, longer than it should have. The repercussions and the responsibility are mine. This is on me,” Kim Koetter read from a statement.

“I just hope we can put this past us and get ready for the 2007 redecorating season,” she added. “I feel that we have a promising team of drapes and accented furniture, and I look forward to what Dennis can bring to the table with his proven leadership abilities and his paycheck. Hopefully some kind of centerpiece of cut crystal. A decanter, perhaps.”

The husband switch comes on the heels of one of the nation’s most highly anticipated marital battles in several seasons. As the initial starter many figured that Dirk Koetter would have the edge, but Erickson’s numbers (148-65-1 in 18 years as a college head coach, an undisclosed salary from ASU) beat out Koetter’s (66-44 in 9 years, a non-existant salary from ASU).

At least, that’s the current story.