Daily Archives: December 28, 2006

Notre Dame objects to ESPN billing of Sugar Bowl as “Catholics vs. Competent Football Players”

Bristol, Connecticut – University of Notre Dame president Rev. John Jenkins held a press conference yesterday in which he vigorously objected to ESPN’s branding of the upcoming Sugar Bowl between the Fighting Irish and the Louisiana State Tigers as “Catholics vs. Competent Football Players”.

Friends described Jenkins, above, as “steaming fucking mad” regarding ESPN’s advertising of the Sugar Bowl.

A highly anticipated 1988 game between Notre Dame and the Miami Hurricanes was billed as “Catholics vs. Convicts”, with the often controversial Miami program seen as the “Convicts”. Notre Dame won that game 31-30 after ‘Cane head coach Jimmy Johnson elected to go for a two-point conversion which failed, ending Miami’s winning streak. The Irish would go on to win the national championship.

“We object to ESPN’s characterization of the Sugar Bowl. The 1988 characterization was itself offensive, but even more offensive is the idea of comparing that team to our present one. Frankly, I’m appalled. The ’88 squad had offensive talent just like today’s, with players like Tony Rice, Rocket Ismail and Rickey Watters. But they also had defense with guys like linebacker Michael Stonebreaker, defensive end Frank Stams and nose tackle Chris Zorich. Defense! Think of that! Defense wins championships! Who would’ve thought? Jesus fucking Christ,” Jenkins said.

“Sorry,” he added, staring upwards.

“Sorry we don’t have a better football team in Your name, that is,” he would later add after a long pause.

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