Columbus, Ohio – Sources report that representatives between Godzilla, King of All Monsters, and his prospective opponent Mothra cannot come to an agreement regarding their Nov. 18 $11.3 million purse earnings. The two were scheduled to fight as the undercard for top ranked Ohio State’s clash against number two ranked Michigan later that day.
Godzilla training for his exhibition fight in September.
“The fact is that ‘Godzilla’ is a household name around the world. We’re the ones bringing the appeal to this match, and we should receive a share reflecting that,” Godzilla spokesmonster Minilla said in response to reporters’ questions on Monday night. Minilla – son of the atomic ray breathing giant – has represented his father since the latter’s 1972 WBC title defense against Gigan.
“We regret any impact this may have on Michigan’s truly epic showdown with the Buckeyes, but we cannot proceed under the current circumstances,” Minilla continued.
“RAAAAAAAAAWWWWWRRRR!” added the dorsal finned Godzilla.
Mothra could not be reached as of press time.
The two city destroying forces of entropy haven’t met since their 1998 rematch, widely regarded by many as the high point of monster fighting’s twilight years. Many insiders had hoped the excitement generated by Saturday’s football game between the two highest ranked teams in the nation would help invigorate the failing sport.
“Frankly, it doesn’t get any better than number one versus number two,” ESPN College GameDay host Lee Corso said. “The winner of this game is virtually guaranteed a spot in the BCS Championship Game [in the Fiesta Bowl] and the loser could very well see a rematch. The nation’s greatest rivalry for the highest stakes at a packed Horseshoe: that’s college football, baby!”
Sticking to the show’s tradition Corso then placed a Mechagodzilla mask on his head.
“The Mech’s got too many offensive weapons. I see the metal lug winning this one by two touchdowns! It’s not even gonna be close or else my middle name ain’t ‘Paprika’!” Corso said.
According to sources close to both monsters another factor impacting the Atomic Age icon’s withdrawal from Saturday’s bout was his desire for a two minute long College GameDay segment. Executives at ESPN’s Bristol, Conn. headquarters deny any involvement and maintain they were never approached by Minilla or any other Godzilla representative.
“This is just one of those messageboard things,” ESPN Executive Vice-President of Sales and Marketing Sean Bratches said Monday night.
Big Ten officials have not issued any official statements. Sources close to conference commisioner James E. Delany report that several other undercard matchups are possible, with King Kong “likely” to replace Godzilla at this point.
According to one highly ranked Big Ten official who wished to remain anonymous, King Kong was “extremely interested” in fighting at Columbus.
“[Kong]’s mulling the offer over with his people. He doesn’t need the money but he realizes that it’d be beneficial to him if he branched out into the Japanese/Midwest market. Plus, who wouldn’t want free tickets to The Game?” the unnamed source said.
Kong, whose only battle with a Nipponese based creature came against Godzilla in 1962 at Tokyo’s then state-of-the-art Carrier Dome, would not comment on the rumors.
Ohio State University president Karen A. Holbrook stressed that the undercard uncertainty, and even the possibility of no undercard fight at all, would have no impact on the following football game.
“It’s unfortunate this is happening at such a late stage but we’re unconcerned. Science defying giant monsters fighting to the death are always exciting, but how often have we seen an undefeated Michigan team coming to town to take on our number one Buckeyes? We all know what time the main event is occuring, and it’s at 3:30 P.M. Eastern,” Holbrook said.
“Besides, Columbus is getting destroyed one way or another. Joyous rioting, angry rioting, unnaturally huge prehistoric tail lashings… it all works out in the end.”
82 Sluggo Win 