ArtofTroy is a semi-legend on the portions of the internets patrolled by cardinal and gold wearing maniacs. He dishes out thick prose, astute analysis, numbers, charts, pie graphs, strategery and strategery accessories and, occasionally, a delicious casserole or two. He is the epitome of, for lack of a better word, outstandellence.
College football message boards are [...]
Entries from March 2007
March 30, 2007
USC Trojan Football Analysis: no longer a pipe dream
March 28, 2007
NSA, CIA: “West Virginia may have the forward pass”
LANGLEY, VA – A leaked memo detailing a joint National Security Agency-Central Intelligence Agency operation indicated that the West Virginia Mountaineers “may have the forward pass”.
Neither the NSA nor the CIA would comment on the matter, citing policy to not address sensitive issues currently unfolding.
President Bush was also unwilling to answer questions on the Mountaineers [...]
March 27, 2007
SEC to phase out Pac-10 by 2012
BIRMINGHAM, AL – Southeastern Conference commissioner Mike Slive ended the league’s Spring Media Day by announcing the conference would begin preparations to officially phase out the Pacific-10 by the 2012 season.
Slive stressed that the change “would not happen overnight” and that players, coaches and fans needed to be patient.
“We’re working on this thing to get [...]
March 27, 2007
Dirk Koetter’s wife names Dennis Erickson as starting husband
TEMPE, AZ – Former Arizona State head coach Dirk Koetter’s wife, Kim, announced that current ASU head coach Dennis Erickson would be her starting husband. The decision comes less than 24 hours after the Koetters renewed their marriage vows in a private team ceremony.
Dirk Koetter, left, is reportedly “confused” and “devastated” by the switch, and [...]
March 26, 2007
Pac-10 to phase out defense by 2012
WALNUT CREEK, CA – Pacific-10 commissioner Tom Hansen ended the league’s Spring Media Day by announcing the conference would begin preparations to officially phase out football defense by the 2012 season.
Hansen stressed that the change “would not happen overnight” and that players, coaches and fans needed to be patient.
“We’re working on this thing to get [...]
March 21, 2007
An Absurdly Premature Assessment of SMQ’s Absurdly Premature Assessment of my Absurdly Premature Assessment of SMQ’s Absurdly Premature Assessment of UCLA, or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Recursion in Post Titles
If SMQ decides to respond to this post by adding onto the title, the internets and their series of pipes shant never be the same again.
So. This is the Absurdly Premature Assessment of SMQ’s Absurdly Premature Assessment of my Absurdly Premature Assessment of SMQ’s Absurdly Premature Assessment of UCLA. That’s a whole lotta absurdity. Unfortunately, [...]
March 20, 2007
Beat the Vandals! And apathy! And ED!
College football fans enjoy repetition. We know where we stand with repetition: wherever it was we were standing ten minutes ago. USC fans enjoy several things on repeat: the V, Conquest, the 2005 Orange Bowl, recruiting, and shouting/typing “Beat the (insert opposing mascot here)!!!” as loud as possible and as much as possible. Except in [...]
March 19, 2007
An Absurdly Premature Assessment of SMQ’s Absurdly Premature Assessment of UCLA
Sunday Morning Quarterback of Sunday Morning Quarterback fame is famous for several things: Sunday Morning Quarterback, jealousy inspiring prose, fakedness so pleasurable it makes you forget that the “f” is in fact not an “n” preceding the words “involving Jessica Alba“… and, of course, his ridiculous, awe-ful, humbling Old Testament Jehovah-style obliteration of all concerns [...]
March 16, 2007
Equilibrium? Balance? A fan craves not these things
The introduction you do not need to read.
I am a fan of dualism. I dig mind/body, I am sweet on starkly evil vs. purest good, I liked the Jedi and the Sith. Every tattoo I’ve gotten has been in twos, neverminding that I currently have five. Like the waxing moon my hamburger’s gradual crescent shaped [...]
March 9, 2007
“Special teams” expresses anti-normal sentiment
I hate it when people use the words hullaballoo, fracas, uproar, etc. to describe what is obviously only a hubbub. Yesterday’s uproarious fracasing hullaballoo kicked hubbub in its nuts, though, simply because it allowed newspapers and blogs to push headlines like “USC football players form online White Nation group” – which is a truthful headline, [...]
