Pete Carroll frozen in carbonite; QB Clausen commits to Notre Dame, Hutt syndicate

Carroll (54-10 in five years) encased in carbonite.
Mos Eisley, Tatooine – As a result of University of Southern California head football coach Pete Carroll being frozen in carbonite following vicious fighting atop Cloud City, Indiana, heralded Oaks Christian, Calif. prep quarterback Jimmy Clausen committed to the University of Notre Dame and the Hutt syndicate this [...]

Myles Brand siezes 6th circle of Hell; now rules NCAA, infernal city of Dis

The Master of Malice
Dis the Infernal City, Sixth Circle of Hell – Myles Brand – the ruler of the fifth circle of Hell, the Stygian King, known to many as Gulygon the Terrible, the Tyrant of Man, the Betrayer of Hope and president of the National Collegiate Athletic Association (NCAA) – yesterday completed his bid [...]

Bruins harness Dorrellian geometry, turn corner 134th time

Bruins harness Dorrellian geometry, turn corner 134th time
UCLA football, math grad students flying high; Rose Bowl filled to capacity*
*Dorrellian capacity allows for all percentages to approach one hundred
Westwood, Calif. – The twenty-fifth ranked UCLA Bruins are off to their first 3-0 start since the 2001-02 season, but thanks to third year head coach Karl Dorrell [...]